Leading & Learning

Dear Father –

You have provided mountain tops and valleys throughout my journey. And no matter what or where, more often than not I seem to forget that You are at the center of everything in my life. It’s not that I don’t love You. It’s not that I don’t know You are there. It’s just that in the midst of everything my heart and mind drift away… and focus inward. And it’s easy. I can even look like I’m centered on You on the outside, but on the inside I’m seriously self-centered.

But You know my heart, don’t You? And little by little You’re getting to me. You knew when You called me to a church where communion was offered EVERY Sunday that I wouldn’t be able to resist You, didn’t You? You knew that a message series on pride would hit me right between the eyes, didn’t You?

You know I want to run. You know I don’t want to do it anymore. You know I’m tired. You know, don’t You? You know my next step before it happens, and You know exactly where I’m at.

Yeah, You’re killing ME. And I think that’s exactly what You’ve planned all along. I do want to serve You. I think… Can I serve you and still bring ME along? No? Well, I’m not sure how that works then, but I guess I’m gonna learn cuz at the rate You’re going there won’t be much of ME left soon! And that’t a GREAT thing!

Letting go little by little, Your daughter

Fall has always been my favorite season. When I was a little girl I couldn’t wait for new school clothes, new friends, and a new teacher. As I got older, it seemed as if it was always the season for new beginnings. And since 1994, being involved with Dare 2 Share, it has also meant the opening of a new student conference tour season – the fruition of months and months of hard work and planning.

Almost always these “new beginnings” are positive. But this season has brought some transitions that hold a bittersweet place in my heart:

• Ministry friends move on – More than one close friend I’ve done ministry beside for years has been called to a new mission. But Carol Ann’s departure this month has hit me the hardest. I have been serving beside this wonderful woman for over 6 years and I can’t imagine doing ministry without her. I know God is going to use her in amazing ways to directly serve those in need in her new role. So how can I argue with that?
• Rick reaches 50 – My incredible husband has spent half his life with me! That in itself is remarkable. I am SO thankful that his MS is stable and he remains in pretty good health – but my heart is broken because he continues to struggle with his job. He is the most loyal person I know and has weathered a lot of company ups and downs but is daily reaching the edge of his tolerance. Pray for God’s wisdom for him, it isn’t easy for a 50-year-old to embark on a new career.
• TJ is getting ready to graduate – Tim has worked so hard! And although he has changed schools and majors, his degree fits him well. A bachelor’s in broadcast production with minors in interactive and digital media. Well done, son! He is a gifted writer and editor with an eye for understanding the audience. I am excited for him and nervous for him all at the same time.
• New mission at Dare 2 Share – We are finalizing a new mission statement and with it will come more focus. I can’t tell you how excited that makes me! We have gone back to our “roots” so to speak and I truly believe the change is God-ordained. Now comes the hard part of shedding away those things that don’t fit – and while I recognize that this is necessary for us in many ways, it is still a fairly painful process.
• New church home – We decided to begin worshipping at Northern Hills Church. We love the format, the people, really just about everything! Except the drive, that is. It’s 30-40 minutes on a great day, but it’s worth it. We have met some new friends and it’s been exciting but I feel the “tug” in my spirit as my connections with old friends has trickled away to virtually non existent. I miss them terribly and wish I could be in two places at once.

Transitions are always exciting because they bring the new and unknown, the fresh air of change. Bitter and sweet.

Yesterday I took some time to catch up and ended up watching a talk my friend, Doug Fields, gave at last year’s National Youth Ministry Convention. I was at the convention but didn’t have the opportunity to hear him. I was surprised by his vulnerability as he talked about how deficiant he felt when it came to caring conversations. He spent some time laying out what he called “faith blockers” and I quickly began to resonate with what he was saying. It’s a great talk for anyone in ministry, so if you have time check it out.

As Doug was summing up he brought the audience’s attention to Isaiah 40. Oh yeah, I thought to myself, I’m familiar with that passage. It’s the one that talks about the Lord’s sovereignty – “our everlasting God.” And as I moved into the next thing for the day I found myself humming the popular Christian worship song as well.

But for some reason the passage was on my heart again this morning. Could it be that these past few weeks of feeling worn out and weary were getting to me? As I opened my Bible I acknowledged my emotional state of being of late. Then I dove right in.

I prayed and meditated on the whole passge for some time. I read it out loud to Rick. And as I looked down at the words on the page again, something jumped out. In verse 31 it says, “But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.” New strength. Wow! NEW strength! Then I remembered that our God isn’t constrained by time like we are. He has the ability (and the desire) to constantly renew.

I am so encouraged that no matter where or when or for how long I am tired and weak, I just need to trust in Him and He will provide NEW STRENGTH. So my prayer is that when I am tossing and turning during those sleepless nights or wrestling to solve a problem or make an important decision during the day – that I may rest on this truth and be renewed.