Dear Father –
You have provided mountain tops and valleys throughout my journey. And no matter what or where, more often than not I seem to forget that You are at the center of everything in my life. It’s not that I don’t love You. It’s not that I don’t know You are there. It’s just that in the midst of everything my heart and mind drift away… and focus inward. And it’s easy. I can even look like I’m centered on You on the outside, but on the inside I’m seriously self-centered.
But You know my heart, don’t You? And little by little You’re getting to me. You knew when You called me to a church where communion was offered EVERY Sunday that I wouldn’t be able to resist You, didn’t You? You knew that a message series on pride would hit me right between the eyes, didn’t You?
You know I want to run. You know I don’t want to do it anymore. You know I’m tired. You know, don’t You? You know my next step before it happens, and You know exactly where I’m at.
Yeah, You’re killing ME. And I think that’s exactly what You’ve planned all along. I do want to serve You. I think… Can I serve you and still bring ME along? No? Well, I’m not sure how that works then, but I guess I’m gonna learn cuz at the rate You’re going there won’t be much of ME left soon! And that’t a GREAT thing!
Letting go little by little, Your daughter
October 30, 2008 at 4:42 am
Wow…amazing, transparent post. Can I just cut and paste it?
October 30, 2008 at 11:18 pm
The journey always brings us to the crossroads of “choosing” – His way, or our way and most of the time they don’t blend. Thanks for your honesty and know that I am walking beside you feeling the same way. And we’re in good company with some age old heroes – David, Moses, Joseph, and so many who had to learn like we do to daily give up ourselves to following Him.
Stumbling along with you!